Welcome Coaches!

WELCOME!

If you are like most of us, your discovery of the field of Coaching has been exciting, consuming, invigorating, risky, life changing, and one of the most powerful disciplines you’ve ever experienced. Each coaching opportunity or training event brings new learning, stronger bonds, deeper conversations and greater results with those you coach. All together it provides fresh fuel to pursue our coaching goals and aspirations—and now there is a way to keep that energy up !

Join this ongoing conversation about all things coaching, here at The Coach Approach! We’ll be talking about current trends in coaching, coaching insights and observations, and the role of coaching in our culture and the Church.

Your participation here on the Coach Approach blog will enhance your own coaching support system, and it will surely increase the value of the conversation for Christian Coaches and the Church. So please make “stopping by” this blog a regular part of your online activities, be encouraged by the writings here and make your voice heard by leaving a comment, or two – just click the word “comments” at the top of each post. We’re  glad you’re here!

 

HELP!

 

I come from a long line of hardworking German immigrants with a little splash of Irish independence thrown into the mix for good measure, so it was really no surprise while on vacation in an unfamiliar town that I refused to stop and ask for directions when I couldn’t find a particular restaurant.  My friend who was riding shot-gun said, “There’s a great place to get some help” and sadly watched out the window as I drove right past.  Several miles and about twenty minutes later, my hungry daughter who was in the back seat and knows me well decided to take matters into her own hands and texted her Daddy to get the right directions.  A little miffed, I said, “I knew that’s where it was!”  And we turned around and drove right there.  I admit it now–I needed some help.  But we’d probably still be driving if I hadn’t had some friends to help me get on the right track.

I arrived at coaching in a similar way.  It was becoming pretty obvious to those who love me that I was feeling terribly frustrated by a lack of direction.  I felt like the cow pond out in the middle of our pasture—green, stagnant, and more than a little stinky!  Lots was going into me, but not much was coming out.  But, I could handle it myself, thank you very much.  What did I need with some New Age, Oprah-esque experience called coaching?  Thankfully, a friend showed me that coaching wasn’t what I thought, and after more than a little bit of grief (for my poor coach as well as myself), I began to experience the flow of genuine movement as I rediscovered my long forgotten interest in writing.  Whew!  And what a huge relief it was.

A couple of years later, I am seeing that familiar resistance to asking for help in others.  Acquaintances casually ask me, “So … what is this coaching stuff all about?”  Or mention a “friend” of theirs who they think might benefit from coaching.  I do my best to explain the process.  That it is driven by the person being coached.  That it is nonjudgmental.  That it is a safe place.  But it’s a tough sell for some folks.  Here are some of the issues I see as standing in their way:

• A fear of being too transparent
• A belief that asking for help shows weakness
• An unclear understanding of what coaching is
• A presumption that a Christian who has enough faith can handle it all on his own

The list could probably go on and on.  And I am new to the role of coach.  (Don’t be shocked. But, yes, I admit that I could use some help here.)  What are the oppositions to coaching that you have had to help your potential clients overcome?  How have you dealt with some of the items I have listed or others that I have failed to list?  As a fledgling coach, what can you tell me that will help me to help others see that it’s not a weakness to ask for help?  To borrow from a familiar hymn, how can I help others see that it’s okay to “Come just as you are”—even if that is as a stagnant, stinky, manure-filled (but very stubborn) cow pond?  Help!

 

A PHOTO IN NEED OF A CAPTION #2

Time for a little more fun here on the Coach Approach! Here’s how it works: I post a photo, you post a caption that is funny/witty/poignant, etc. and I pick the winner. As an added challenge, the caption you submit should have something to do with Coaching. If your caption is chosen as the best, then you win the satisfaction of being famous for a day here at The Coach Approach! This time around we may also offer a book from one of our Coach Approach Authors!

Here’s the photo:

 

FAMILY DINNERS

I have always loved our family dinners. When our girls were younger, we had dinner together almost every night.  I hope that our dinners created positive memories for our daughters as we imprinted our values, attitude and beliefs during dinner conversations, and as each of us shared what was going on in our lives.

When I joined The Ken Blanchard Companies in 2000, I remember talking with Scott Blanchard one day.

He shared his perspective on family dinners. He said that leaders have a tremendous impact on dinner conversations because the way that they lead influences the stories their people tell at the dinner table. People with leaders who are encouraging and positive tend to have encouraging and positive dinner conversations. People who work for negative or punitive leaders share very different stories at the table. This makes me wonder what kind of dinner conversations I’m inspiring….

Lord, help me to be open to Your voice so that the stories people share about my role in their lives leave a positive social imprint.

 

SOME FEEDBACK, LOTS OF FEEDFORWARD

Feedback gives us markers on how we’re doing in life and work.  It’s a portrait of our past.  Feedback, “the breakfast of champions,” is a fact of life in business, sports, and other performance-based professions. 

Coaches use feedback too—directly and regularly.  Identifying past patterns of success or failure allows us to glean lessons from the past for the future.  But, feedback alone doesn’t guarantee better futures.  Adding a new dimension, Marshall Goldsmith, the well-known business consultant, advocates adding feedforward to feedback.   

Feedforward expands opportunities by looking ahead, exploring and enhancing options.  Coaches use feedback to pave the way for feedforward.   Like fly fishermen, coaches use a back cast to prepare for a fore cast.

Feedforward makes the future the primary timeframe.  Feedback reflects how we have lived our pasts, those parts of our lives we can’t redo.  But, what we discovered yesterday and decided today can shape tomorrow’s directions. Feedforward spotlights how we can live our futures differently. 

Feedforward uses momentum from positive lessons.   No matter what those of us who offer feedback intend, those who receive feedback often experience it negatively and resist it.  Turn learnings toward positive directions.  Feedforward harvests the positive outcomes of feedback for forward movement in our lives.

Feedforward spotlights tomorrow’s possibilities and opportunities.  Without care, feedback can feel judgmental, accusing, or shaming.  Few of us enjoy being described as sinners or losers.  Feedforward transforms emotional messages into motivated first steps toward progress.

Feedforward provides partners and peers to walk with us into the future.  Critics intend to break us down first and maybe to change us later.  In contrast, thought partners enrich us as we grow into the best we can be.  Feedforward provides companionship  for the journey.

Feedforward makes life goals personal.  Feedback may carry “or else” instructions for us from others. It’s sometimes imposed, offered without either our permission or with good timing.  Feedforward launches  personal motivations.  Feedforward builds on our intentions—owned by us, gladly accepted, and voluntarily pursued.

The coaching guideline here is simple.  Use some feedback coupled with lots of feedforward.  It’s the smoothest road toward our best tomorrows.

 

ANNOUNCING WINNER OF PHOTO CAPTION CONTEST #1

Well I’m overdue for this announcement but I had to give this process due consideration and contemplation. At long last, I have a first and second place winner. (drum roll……)

Second Place goes to Lisa Huddleston’s caption: A concise message: “Get moving or you’re roadkill!”

First Place goes to Gayle Meiling’s caption: “Lead, follow, or get out of the way.”

 

“I don’t know what to talk about today!”

When I first started coaching, I shuddered to hear the PBC say, “I have tried to come up with something, but I just can’t think of anything to be coached around today.” It would literally cause me to panic. I would frantically start searching my brain (and my cheat sheets) desperately looking for questions to ask that would stimulate something—anything at all—to work with.  But it seemed that the harder I tried, the more frustrated both the PBC and I would become.  After all, how could I get them moving if we couldn’t even find a place to start?  At worst, the PBC would say something like, “Sorry I let you down today” or perhaps even decide to give up on coaching altogether.

As time has gone on and I have relaxed as a coach, these situations don’t cause nearly as much consternation as they once did. In fact, I hadn’t thought much at all about this topic until a recent conversation with Lisa Huddleston (a friend and coach) brought it back to my attention.  As we talked, we came up with some things to remember when hearing the dreaded words, “I don’t know what to talk about today!”  

 Remember coaching is a conversation. Let the PBC talk. The coaching session does not hinge on whether or not I come up with something for the PBC to be coached around. First and foremost, it is about the conversation. Many times, I have discovered that if I will let them talk and spend most of my time genuinely listening, they will discover something to be coached around either that time or by the time of their next call. 

 Remember to ask what the PBC hopes to gain from the call. A coaching session is never about my agenda. It is not about how good a coach I am or whether or not I can sculpt the perfect hourglass call. It IS about the PBC. Sometimes all the caller wants from their hour with a coach is to have an opportunity to talk, to be heard, and to vent.  In such a case, all I need to do is listen and encourage, ask questions when appropriate, and wait to see what happens.  It’s important that the PBC feels free to use their hour as they need to—not every call has to end with three action steps to be time well spent.

 Remember coaching is not a onetime event but a process. If they haven’t been made to feel like a coaching failure, the PBC will call again—especially if they have been listened to and encouraged. Usually, although not always, their next call will be very different, and the PBC will have made some discoveries or uncovered a new direction through the simple process of sharing their thoughts on a continuing basis.  (More on that in another post.)

Coaching really is a conversation.  Relax and let it happen. If you will allow yourself and your PBC to enjoy your time together without bullying either of you to “action” every time you talk, both of you will enjoy the journey much more, and you will be a better coach for it.

 

What would Anthony Bourdain do?

“Local news, weather, sports…. then Leno!  

All the entertainment food groups!”

I heard that voice-over last night at the end of a television show I was watching. It made me wonder, what are the most important coaching food groups? Or, should we go with the new-fangled, “Food Pyramid”? 

Tony Bourdain travels the world in search of cool food and the cultural influences that make them possible. What can you think of to add to the standard coaching fare that may be a bit unconventional, extra spicy or even . . . an acquired taste?

 

SWEET MOMENTS OF REALIZATION!

I recently heard a story about Gandhi and a mom who brought her little boy to see him. The boy was overweight, and his mother hoped that Gandhi would tell her son to stop eating sugar. During the first meeting, Gandhi asked the mother to bring her son back in 3 weeks. 

Three weeks later, the mother and son returned to Gandhi. Gandhi looked at the little boy and said, “If you want to be healthy, you need to stop eating sugar.” The little boy nodded and walked off.

As soon as the boy walked away, the frustrated mother turned to Gandhi and asked him why they had been turned away the first time, why they had to wait 3 weeks before Gandhi would speak to the boy. Gandhi replied, “Because 3 weeks ago, I was eating sugar.” 

The story hit me hard. I had an instant realization that there are areas where I say one thing and do something else. It made me realize that if I want better communication with my husband, I need to be a better communicator.  If I don’t want to be judged, I need to stop judging others. If I want people to be open to change, I need to be open to change first.  

This really brings the Scripture in focus about getting the log out of my own eye before trying to remove the speck from the other person’s eye. Lord, help me to listen to Your voice, to be honest with myself and with You, and to make the changes so that I “walk the talk.”

 

MAGIC!

I experienced a new awareness this week. It was a huge surprise and I thought I’d bring it up here to see if anyone else has experienced something similar. After a terrific coaching appointment this morning, I drove away super excited, inspired and fulfilled. I like feeling that way and it is the spice of my coaching life. I quickly contrasted that with various other coaching conversations that seem to tax my coaching abilities to the limit. This client and I were so in sync that I exerted very little effort and felt the greatest freedom to create a “playground” for us both to ask “what if”. We played well together and it was the perfect representation of the kind of coaching partnerships I’d love to experience all of the time.

Reality check.

I guess in coaching, like in all of life, mountaintop experiences are notable because they are so infrequent—and we appreciate them all the more because of that. But my new awareness is not that great coaching moments can sometimes be rare. My awareness came as I took a closer look at my precious client. What she brought to the table of herself was a gift—to both of us. Her willingness to be vulnerable, to sound silly, to think out loud without editing her words, to hope like a little girl in the body of a grown woman, made ALL the difference. As I drove back to my office I thought, “THAT is what ‘coachable’ looks like.” Frankly it’s a relief to realize that while sometimes it is my need for improvement, insight, humility or experience that is called for, other times, a coachable client is simply . . . magic!

Coachability. I like it. I want more clients who possess it. And I want to learn all I can to encourage and inspire it in those I work with.

So I’ll ask you two questions:

1. How responsible are we as coaches to foster coachability in our clients?

2. What can we do to educate them, encourage them, coach them toward coachability?

 

A PHOTO IN NEED OF A CAPTION

 

How about a little fun here on the Coach Approach?  Here’s how it works: I post a photo, you post a caption that is funny/witty/poignant, etc. and I pick the winner. As an added challenge, the caption you submit should have something to do with Coaching. If your caption is chosen as the best, then you win the satisfaction of being famous for a day here at The Coach Approach!

Look at the photo below and post away. 

Thanks for playing…